OPINION BY SIR MARTIN NAREY, FORMER CHIEF EXECUTIVE OF BARNARDOS
Sir Martin Narey reaction upon regarding my story on adoptiondisruptionuk . ”You can sense the grief and guilt as you read it” he said, ”but she shouldn’t feel that. There are just some children whose future is in residential care; if her child was very ill he may well be one of them. Adopters frequently take a badly damaged child. They are heroes and need practical support and moral support.”
OPINION BY G. R SOCIAL WORKER
I have just seen your article in The Times (9th March 2015) in which you share your emotions and sheer heartbreak at having to give back your adopted son. I can understand the pitfalls of the adoption process and can share my experience from a different perspective as a Social Worker some 30 + years ago, acting as a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) in the adoption of a two year old boy. The court appoints the GAL to represent the best interests of the child through the adoption process. There were several duties I had to undertake as GAL including to trace and meet with the birth parents (where possible) and seek their views on the application to free their child for adoption and write a report to the court recommending what was best for the child. I also met with the child’s prospective adoptive parents and had to assess their ability to parent the child based on background history and personal interviews and testimonials.
The tracing and interviewing of the birth parents proved both difficult and demanding. The parents lived apart in poor social and economic circumstances and I was met with aggression, distain and disinterest in equal measure. At that point of the process I got a feeling that the early life experience of the pr-adoptive child must have been traumatic and bleak.
As the adoption process progressed the majority of the deliberations and interviews were concentrated on the adoptive parents’ suitability as prospective parents. This part of the process was exhaustive and meticulous as is right but on reflection very little attention and information was given to the adoptive parents about possible post adoptive problems or rejection and support available to them to resolve ongoing issues.
The three year old boy was eventually adopted by the caring, loving couple who desperately wanted a child and had so much to give.
He had already some attachment and behavioural issues but the thinklng at the time was that love and consistent,attentive nurturing would overcome all! My view now is similar to current evidence that pre and post birth,the physical and psychological/emotional damage to a child can not be underestimated or sometimes be undone.
Several years later, by chance, I happened to meet the parents and I suppose like everything else in this process I was expecting a happy outcome. Sadly, the parents described a life of pure desolation. They described a son who had no attachment to them, who had behavioural issues through school into adulthood and had abused and stolen from them. It showed remarkable resolve or misguided expectation, that they were still in contact with him through visits to Borstal (but at what cost and what guidance and support did they have post adoption). I must admit it left me feeling uncomfortable about the part I played in this union and wondering if there have been any radical changes in the adoption process since (judging from your account perhaps not! ).
The account of your journey unlocked some of the thoughts I had at the time, some of them unspoken.
Social Worker G R
OPINION DR COHN, CONSULTANT PAEDIATRICIAN WATFORD GENERAL HOSPITAL
‘Think the main motto when adopting children is the ideas that ‘all you need is love’ and ‘love, love conquers everything’ are frequently suggested but woefully inadequate’
well said.
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Parents Protecting Children UK is a network and Facebook page to help and support families with illness and disability, misrepresented and misunderstood by ill trained health, education and social care practitioners. All too frequently the children’s medical and neurological difficulties are blamed on environmental factors to do with their birth parents, rather than being recognised as genetic or heritable conditions. Many of these children are ripped from their birth families and erroneously freed for adoption, despite the protests of their parents and grandparents. It is frequently these children who are the subject of adoption breakdown. The answer isn’t just about better support for adopters, but is about better training for health, education and social care practitioners, to enable them to recognise that a children’s perceived difficulties may be because of heritable medical and neurological conditions rather than parental failure. The best futures for these children may be provided by giving proper support to their birth families, rather than removing the children for adoptions which are highly likely to fail.
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