Adopting in the UK

In the UK, Adopters commonly only meet their future Adoptive child when they have come to take them home. The Adoptive Parent must be approved by a panel of approximately 14 people prior to even meeting the child they wish to potentially adopt. There is a two week period of settling in – the only information the Adoptive Parent will have received by this point is the CPR report (Child Permanence Report) – a report compiled from psychiatric/doctors reports on the parents and reviews on the child’s development by Social Workers and current Doctors information relayed by Social Workers visiting the child, a Doctor’s report and visit, and a short video and a couple of photographs.

The Adoptive Parent will then normally progress to formally adopt their child within a nine month period or so but this can vary for each adopter. During this time the Social Worker will visit you in your home and ask about any issues or problems and offer support.

• The issue of how Adoptions in the UK should be achieved is an on going & heated debate.

Prior to an Adoption Disruption

The Adoptive Parents will normally have sought support and help from Social Workers. The Social Workers will have been alerted to the problems between Parent and Child and it is not normally an ‘out of the blue’ situation. There will have been/should have been an open dialogue between both sides and support from Social Workers to the Adoptive Parent.

At this point I had the full support of my Social Workers involved as it was acknowledged by son’s medical needs were so extensive there was no care package that could be offered to cope with his requirements. Therefore I did not make the decision to have him put back into care – there was simply no other choice available.

What is Adoption Disruption?

Adoption Disruption is ending an adoption placement for any number of reasons. While technically an adoption is disrupted only when it is abandoned by the adopting parent or parents before it is legally completed (an adoption that is reversed after that point is instead referred to in the law as having been dissolved), in practice the term is used for all adoptions that are ended.

While rarely discussed in public, even within the adoption community, the practice has become far more widespread in recent years, especially among those parents who have adopted from Eastern European countries, particularly Russia and Romania, where some children have suffered far more from their institutionalization than their parents were led to believe. It also commonly happens in the UK too.

Despite the intense and careful screening that most who wish to adopt children must go through, sometimes the adoption does not succeed for a variety of reasons. The child may have developmental, psychological or medical issues that the parents cannot handle, or had not been informed of prior to the adoption, or both.  More information on these children must be realized prior to going up for adoption.

When is the term Adoption Disruption applied?

An Adoption Disruption can be said to have occured during the two week introductions between the Adoptive Parent and Adoptive Child or prior to the Adoptive Order (ie the legal adoption of the child)  or post Adoptive  Order has been granted – whenever they occur they are hugely traumatic for all involved.

Care Orders

A Care Order has to be sought by Social Workers in order for the child to return back to state care and put back up for fostering in the interim with a long term view to re-adoption. This requires the Birth Parent or Adoptive Parent to attend court potentially up to four times or more. The LA or Social Workers will submit their reasons to the Judge why the Care Order must be granted for their child to be returned to state care.

The Care Order notification

The Parent should be given at least 72 hours’ notice of the first court appearance regarding the Care Order. Anything less than that you can appeal for an adjournment and give yourself time to find a solicitor.

However LA’s should be more responsible in talking to  Parents about the court process and what the Care Order involves in advance of the court date.   I was not told in advance at all about the Care Order and it came as a shock to be summoned to court with less than 48 hours’ notice – hence why I submitted my own statement at my first court appearance because I had no time to find a solicitor. My statement requested the Threshold Criteria should be on a no blame basis.

Threshold Criteria

The Threshold Criteria is what Local Authorities/Social Workers are required to meet in order to prove that a child is at risk of emotional, psychological, physical harm if it should remain with its current  Parents. Sound simple enough?

And yet the Threshold Criteria in its very process will potentially denigrate the parent in its current format and it is the Care Order form I wish to petition to change because it requires the Social Worker to return the child to state care on grounds that the Parent is/are basically causing their child harm. (see Petition on this website)

Of course there are cases where a Parent has indeed caused harm to the child, however the vast majority of children returned to state care by Parents have generally gone through extreme heartache and tried their best to care for their child. In the vast majority of cases I have read about in online Forums, Adoptive Parents have only returned their child because of extreme reasons and not through lack of love or devotion. That any Parent should then be potentially denigrated because of the wording on the Care Form is shocking and that this will then unduly influence future Adoption Agencies against them being parents again is only compounding the tragedy.

There is hope however.

I submitted my own Threshold Criteria to the Judge and it was accepted.

My Threshold Criteria set out to confirm that there was potential for harm to arise to my son with two parties (the LA and myself) essentially sharing Parental Responsibilities (PR).  In essence because of my child’s extensive medical needs, there was potential for him to come to harm.

This was a no blame approach, and I was successful in achieving my Threshold Criteria.

However this was a tremendous battle and incredibly upsetting and hurtful at the time I was experiencing the loss of my son. (You can read about my experience in My Story)

Why did I seek the No Blame/Neutral Approach for my Care Order?

I was aware that a future adoption could be difficult with the Care Order as it stood and I did not wish to have my record as a mother who had struggled with a very disabled and medically unwell child to be blemished by the Care Order contents written by the SW involved in my case.

It is the No Blame Approach I want available to all parents who have had a child with complex psychological and/or medical issues.

Adoption Disruption Meeting (ADM)

An Adoption Disruption Meeting is normally held three/four months after your child has gone into care. It will normally be in a room with up to 14/15 professionals including Doctors, Pediatricians, Social Workers, the Chair Person, and secretary etc.

In my case I had a very supportive Chair Person and suggestions I made were put on my record, however whether they will have had any long term purpose I am unsure. I recommended at my Adoption Disruption Meeting (this occurs three/four months after your child has gone into care) that certain children are ‘flagged’ up as potentially problematic children on the Social Workers database so that the minute an Adoptive Parent flags up issues the Social Workers can work immediately to enhance/support the situation and already have a good understanding of the child’s requirements and possible needs which in turn would help the Parent.

Social Workers were agreed that I had not been offered the care and support one might have expected during the time my son had gone back into care.  I have had one visit from a Social Worker to date.

I believe the reason for the lack of support post Adoption Disruption directly reflects on the Care Order as it currently stands. Social Workers must potentially denigrate the  Parent in order to gain a Care Order, and automatically once the child is back in care, Social Workers appear to automatically distance themselves from the Parent and support and sympathy is withdrawn.

This creates a culture of suspicion, misunderstanding, confusion and social stigmatism for the Adoptive Parent at a time when support is so crucially required. (see the Petition and why the Care Order must change)

Aftermath of Adoption Disruption

A child who is disrupted is usually put first into foster care, pending placement with a new family, unless they reach the age of 18 and legally become adults before this happens. Or they will be put back up for adoption.

Attitudes toward disruption

Few parents who have disrupted adoptions have been willing to talk about the process, since it carries a strong social stigma. Many will only tell their story anonymously. It is seen by many as essentially legally sanctioned abandonment, especially since there is no corresponding legal procedure available for biological parents who find their children beyond their ability to handle, apart from giving their children up for adoption.

Those who do disrupt and discuss it describe the experience as, unsurprisingly, extremely painful, almost like a death in the family, and shameful.

UK Support Groups

I could find no UK support group online dedicated to supporting survivors of Adoption Disruption which is why this website has been set up in January 2015.

Equally I could find limited information on Care Orders and support for ALL parents who have been through one.

UK Statistics

Since no records are kept or required to be kept of how many disruptions occur beyond those filed in court, which are confidential, there is no way to be sure how many are occurring.

British Department for Education and Skills, is being lobbied for changes in data collection procedures, and tackling the reported lack of any centrally collected information.

Future Adoption & Beyond the Care Order

It remains impossible to say how many people who had had a child put back into care have gone on to successfully adopt again.  This information remains difficult to access.  Local Authorities deny that prejudice is faced by adopters when they wish to adopt again.  However when I tried to find out how many parents had had a care order and then gone on to successfully adopt again I was told this information would cost me £450.  There is no easy access to adopting again and information is not forthcoming.  There is a general feeling that Adoptive Parents are abandoned, and relegated to the sidelines.

There should be no reason why an Adoptive Parent cannot use the immeasurable skills they have required during their difficult adoption and successfully go on to adopt again. There should be no stigma.

Counselling and Therapy

I would recommend any parent who has gone through or is going through the painful experience of Adoption Disruption to seek counselling with an experienced counsellor/psychotherapist.  Adoption Disruption UK has been set up to encourage people to share their stories and not be stigmatized by them.  Sharing and talking to people who have been through an experience like this is the way forward. So please do share your stories and email me your details so I can put you in touch with someone like you.